Sensitivity is a big deal in our time. The 70s saw a drastic rise in the value of “the sensitive male,” as opposed to the masculine, insensitive kind of men who won World War II and helped build the greatest country in the world. Today, it’s called “toxic masculinity,” but in general, you can boil it down to the absence of acute sensitivity. 

The thing about sensitivity is that some of it is simply genetic. What hurts one person doesn’t hurt another. Like hot sauce—what sends one man running in tears toward the gallon of milk barely affects the next, who reaches for another hot wing. This isn’t a matter of weak versus strong but a matter of nerve endings and how efficiently they send messages to the brain. 

I knew a man—a kind and gentle Mr. Rogers-type guy—who went to the dentist and never used novocaine! No joke: he had teeth drilled and filled. His comment: “Yeah, it hurts a little, but not that bad.” If you’re anything like me, even a routine teeth cleaning has me digging my nails into the arms of the dentist’s chair. Different bodies mean different sensitivities.

The other kind of sensitivity is emotional, and it, too, differs from person to person based upon their experience. I am bald. I get it—I’m over it. If someone makes a bald joke in my presence, I don’t experience it as insulting or painful—honestly, I don’t care. But the next guy might be much more sensitive to pain, insult, or injury. Our sensitivities differ because we are different people.

Some say America has become terminally over-sensitive. I don’t know about “terminally,” but I think there is some truth in it. In our social life, we have erected a hierarchy of offense and offended-ness. You can make fun of some things, but not others. You can make fun of some people groups, but not others (good news: politicians are still fair game). A king-of-the-hill competition for legal protection now rules the airwaves, nowhere more apparent than in the conversation regarding gender identity and preferred pronouns. 

There is nothing new about men playing women and women men—it’s as old as gender itself—but we have never seen such people so greedy to grasp the power of having been offended. This is because today, in crazy places like Canada and California, being offended has legal teeth. Offend the wrong person, and you’ll pay—either in legal fees or the humiliation of “sensitivity training”—and this year’s offenses become next year’s public school curriculum. 

Here’s the thing: sensitivity—enforced by special training and the law—is a poor substitute for love. Sensitivity is not love. Sensitivity training is the attempt to legalize empathy—to force people to feel what others feel—which is impossible. Yes, there are parallels and principles to apply, for we all know what pain is and know that it is always unpleasant for anyone. And yes, we should not hurt one another, but making oneself more sensitive is still not the same thing as love. We’d do far better to teach good manners and proper etiquette instead. We need charm schools, not Clockwork Orange re-programming. 

Legislated sensitivity is toxic sensitivity. Toxic because it favors the feelings of some over and above those of others. The co-workers in training have no case in saying that they find pink rabbit costumes in the workplace offensive to them--that ship has sailed—their feelings do not matter. Worse, it is now a state matter.

The failure of toxic sensitivity is guaranteed because there are no objective standards to determine whose feelings deserve greater protection. Instead, politics takes over, and the state arbitrarily rules for the feelings of those who donate the most money. 

The Christian faith teaches love, not sensitivity. Love acts beyond the self and one’s feelings. As far as showing love goes, feelings are utterly irrelevant. Treating other people well—good manners and a bit of etiquette—have nothing to do with what we feel. It doesn’t matter if we feel positively or negatively toward others; what matters is that we behave ourselves because Christian love is manifest in our actions, not our feelings. 

Of course, the more we practice acts of love, the more our hearts and feelings are shaped toward positive emotions. “Love others” should be the rule. Without regard to sensitivity, let’s agree to be  kind and gentle toward the guy in the pink bunny suit. We all know it is what Jesus wants us to do. †