Seeking to Grow Kind

Kindness is not easy to define. We know it when we see it, but ask someone “What is kindness?” and you’ll be lucky if you receive an intelligible answer. Kindness is one of those virtues that defines itself. It is a lot like mercy, a lot like niceness, and certainly a lot like goodness, but if it is its own thing with its own nature and distinctive character, it remains difficult to define.

See it = Know it

Many virtues fit this category—the I-don’t-know-how-to-describe-it-but-I-know-it-when-I-see-it category—including the most important ones: Faith, Hope, and Love. The shadow side of this category is the I-know-that-THAT-is-NOT-it mode, in which we are looking for a particular virtue in another and seeing nothing. When Saddham Hussein appeared before the media and TV cameras with a group of children (whose parents were captive), he wanted to show the world that he was something like a nice guy; that he had a kind side. Most of us watching felt like, I may not know everything about goodness, but I know that THAT is NOT it!

Wikipedia (which is now the authority and no longer a joke) defines Kindness this way:

Kindness is the act or the state of being kind, being marked by good and charitable behavior, pleasant disposition, and concern for others. It is known as a virtue, and recognized as a value in many cultures and religions.

No real problems there, but it doesn’t really give us a good picture. We have to define kindness with other virtuous adjectives: good, charitable, pleasant, concern, etc.

Perhaps kindness has be to seen to be known.

Quotes on Kindness

When in doubt, consider the wisdom of the ages:

Aristotle says that kindness is:

"helpfulness towards some one in need, not in return for anything, nor for the advantage of the helper himself, but for that of the person helped."

This means that kindness is necessarily sacrificial or altruistic. It sounds a lot like what we would normally call love or mercy.

From Mark Twain:

“Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”

We know it when we see it, even if we can’t see it! This says that kindness is beyond mere materialism—that kindness is necessarily spiritual.

Maronite Christian Kahlil Gibran:

“Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution.”

As opposed to those who would say that nice guys finish last, Gibran would say that those who act in kindness are the stronger players—the true winners.

And finally, a wry comment from the  brilliant-but-troubled playwright Tennessee Williams:

"What is the secret of happiness?  One word: insensitivity." 

Like Buddha who taught that emptiness is bliss, Williams implies that to care for others will mean entering into their pains and sufferings. Chrisitans call this sensitivity by many names: empathy, compassion, sympathy, care, love, and yes, kindness.

One Picture of Kindness

Forgive me for leaning too heavily again on one of my personal herores, but when I think of kindness and gentleness, my mind immediately heads toward the genius of Fred Rogers. The sweaters, the soft voice, the extremely patient demeanor, and the extensive vision for making something good for children—all point to a Christian who is doing very well on the Kindness scale.

I’ll be the first to acknowledge that there is way-too-little of the Mister Rogers in me. I am patently impatient (God help me, I’m working on it!), and too often too focused on tasks-at-hand to spend much time chatting with Mr. McFeely about his day on the postal route or showing real enthusiasm and joy over watching a friend operate an electric can-opener.

Mr. Rogers appeared on many TV talk and news shows, and is reputed for being truly, TRULY kind. When he met Katie Curric, she was expecting a brief chat overviewing their upcoming appearnce. Rogers instead talked with her about her family until she found herself sharing about a dear aunt who was presently undergoing a difficult surgery. Rogers offered to pray for her, and later sent her a  follow-up note, thanking her for the interview and asking for a follow-up about her aunt. Curric said it was unlike meeting anyone else—that he immediately met you in the midst of the TV glitz as a family friend, a true neighbor.

I aspire to be more like Mr. Rogers, not because he was anything more than another flawed human being in need of God’s redemption, but because he was a master in the art of the virtue of kindness. In so doing, he also is a witness to Jesus and a reflection of the kindness of God. That is certainly something wo which we all might aspire.

In his words:

The greatest thing we can do is let people know that they are loved and capable of loving.

Kindness, indeed!