“Sissyfights Unlimited”

Text: Mark 9: 30-41 Esv

30 They went on from there and passed through Galilee. And he did not want anyone to know,
31 for he was teaching his disciples, saying to them, "The Son of Man is going to be delivered into the hands of men, and they will kill him.  And when he is killed, after three days he will rise." 32 But they did not understand the saying, and were afraid to ask him.

33 And they came to Capernaum. And when he was in the house he asked them, "What were you discussing on the way?" 34 But they kept silent, for on the way they had argued with one another about who was the greatest. 35 And he sat down and called the twelve. And he said to them, "If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all." 36 And he took a child and put him in the midst of them, and taking him in his arms, he said to them, 37 "Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me but him who sent me."

38 John said to him, "Teacher, we saw someone casting out demons in your name, and we tried to stop him, because he was not following us." 39 But Jesus said, "Do not stop him, for no one who does a mighty work in my name will be able soon afterward to speak evil of me. 40 For the one who is not against us is for us. 41 For truly, I say to you, whoever gives you a cup of water to drink because you belong to Christ will by no means lose his reward.†

1. The Disciples Batting 1000.

Our narrative brings us back to Capernaum following a failed attempt by the Disciples to cast out an unclean spirit. Jesus reminds them that such can only be cast out by prayer, which is a way of reminding them that they can’t really do anything by themselves in their own power. They couldn’t do it; they failed.

Next, Jesus tells them that he wants to go through Galilee incognito, and reminds them again that he will be handed over, arrested, killed and will be raised on the third day. The disciples don’t get it. They don’t understand, and to make it worse, they are afraid to ask.

As if this wasn’t a good enough negative score, the next thing they do along the road is begin arguing about which one of them is the greatest. Really? Is the word irony not ringing a bell for every reader by now? After failure in the field and inability to comprehend Jesus’ plain-spoken message even after the second time, they still have enough ridiculous pride within themselves to argue about who is the greatest?

When they come to the house in Capernaum, Jesus asks them what they were talking about. The text says they were silent. Perhaps ashamed of having bragged, perhaps embarrassed at having been caught. Either way, they are consistent with their falling short.

What is the deal with people? Not only are we all obviously flawed, but we can fall into the same games of one-upsmanship in seeking to determine who is better than whom.

I want to say this morning that whenever you and I play those games, we risk damaging the fellowship—the koinonia—gift of the Holy Spirit. The fellowship of faith is indeed a precious gift, and whenever we acknowledge it as such, and protect it as such, we find our fellowship increased, bolstered, happier—and a more winsome witness to our world.

2. Sissyfights, etc.

Twenty years ago, there was an online game that was, for a short time, king. It was called “Sissyfight.” Comic strip artist Lynda Barry says  there is no force in the natural world so mean and nasty as a group of fifth grade girls who have ganged up against another. Sissyfight seems to prove Barry’s point. In this game, online players picked a different school girl avatar and take turns ganging up on one another. “Let’s not like Linda, her hair is red!” “Let’s make fun of Trudy for awhile.” “Hey everybody, let’s not like Claudia!” The players of the game gather points for ganging up against a momentary victim, and more points for getting people to take their side against others.

It’s all very juvenile, to say the least, but it is unfortunately a huge part of our fallen nature. We, like the Disciples, can find ourselves playing the “who is the greatest?” game. The more we play, the more in turns into Sissyfights, and the more our koinonia—our divine fellowship—suffers.

It probably doesn’t happen that much at church, but at dinner parties, private gatherings, at the ball game—any location where you and your Sissyfight group can do the dirty work in safety. Who is in? Who is out? Who do we like? Who are we going to judge? Let’s be critical of so-and-so for awhile, shall we?

Playing Sissyfight leads us to other disciplines—ones we do not want to part of our Christian character:

Gossip

Slander

Dishing the Dirt

Rumors

Backbiting

“Just kidding”

“Not sure, but I heard. . .”

Scripture is pretty clear about these things:

“But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips”.  (Colossians 3:8).

“Don’t grumble against each other, brothers, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door!”(James 5:9)

“Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, him I will destroy; No one who has a haughty look and an arrogant heart will I endure”
(Psalm 101:5).

“Mockers are proud and haughty; they act with boundless arrogance.”(proverbs 21:24)

“A mocker resents correction; he will not consult the wise.”
(Proverbs 9:8).

“Mockers are proud and haughty; they act with boundless arrogance.”(proverbs 21:24)

“A mocker resents correction; he will not consult the wise.”
(Proverbs 9:8).

“Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended.” (Proverbs 22:10)

“Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.” (James 3:5)

“A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.”
(Proverbs 16:28).

“What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the ear in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the roofs” (Luke 12:3)

So, we don’t want to be the kind of church that plays Sissyfight. None of us wants to be that person who drives people out of the church fellowship. Just as the Disciples argued over who was the greatest, we too have our less-than-edifying conversations. Behind it all is not so much the drive to power, but the need to belong. We all want to feel like we belong, and we want others to feel that way as well.

I think we all know as well that the Sissyfighting does us no real good. All the criticism and phony superiority leave us empty rather than full. We are all born with a God-shaped void in our hearts—an emptiness that God alone can fill—and Sissyfighting is just one of many ways we might try to fill that void, and it never works.

The good news is that when Jesus shows up, all the Sissyfighting tends to go silent pretty quickly.

“What were you discussing along the way?” says Jesus, and everyone goes silent.

3. Waiters and Waiting

Jesus’ response to the Sissyfight games is swift and decisive: 

"If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all."

The word for servant is literally Deacon. In our world, the closest thing to this kind of servant is a waiter or waitress.  What is the waiter’s job? To wait on you and your needs as you sit at their table.

I was not a good waiter; in fact, I was fired after my second night. But I was an excellent busboy. The Golden Apple (of Love) was one of Omaha’s ritziest restaurants, which is kind of like being the coolest guy in the bowling league (I love bowling). At the Golden Apple, to become a waiter, there were strict rules. You had to speak always in low tones with a calm, relaxed voice. You never—never—interrupted a conversation among guests. You never ask obvious questions (Would you like more water? No—just keep the water glass full). The purpose of these rules was to serve the guests in excellent form. We were taught to truly wait upon the guests. You wait and watch to fill a need as unobstrusively as possible.

Waiters today often seem to reverse that code. You can be in the midst of an intimate conversation and your waiter bursts in over the top of you, loud and anxious: “HEY! HOW’S IT GOIN’ HERE? YOU GOT EVERYTHING YOU NEED? GREAT!!” The point of all this is to say that when Jesus instructs his disciples on their appropriate role in the world, it is to wait upon one another. Jesus says that if we want to be the greatest, we must become waiters. We must wait on everyone else. Wait, wait, wait, and consider the needs of one another as more important than our own.

4. Babies

To further illustrate this, Jesus takes a baby—perhaps a toddler—up into his arms and tells his disciples:

"Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me but him who sent me."

Rabbis did not hold babies—it just wasn’t done. Jesus reminds the Disciples and us that he himself will bring babes into our fellowship. New faces, new names, new (to us) children of God. The message is clear: we are to receive them. We are to receive them into the fullest fellowship—the koinonia union—as insiders.

The Church of Jesus Christ is the place where the weak and the vulnerable belong. The Church is the antithesis of the Country Club or the Winners’ Circle. We are to welcome all whom Jesus brings into our circle.

As if this were not yet clear to the Disciples (what is?) John makes one more pass:

"Teacher, we saw someone casting out demons in your name, and we tried to stop him, because he was not following us."

Translation: We tried to stop them because they are not part of our group. 

The whole in-group/out-group sorting process is the effect of sissyfighting. Putting others out creates an elevated platform for “us,” however constructed. The process necessarily depends upon a certain amount of exclusion.

The whole point of a club may be nothing other than to be exclusive. To create an insider identity so insiders can feel like precious insiders.

Thank God for Groucho Marx, who is the pin to that balloon with his quote:

“I’d never belong to a club that would have me as a member!”

5. departing the sissyfights

How do we escape our nature in the matter of all these things? I’m going to suggest three ways as a start—three ways we can avoid playing social climbing games:

1) Suspend judgment.

Easier said than done, but a worthy goal. I know for myself, I’m always happier when I stop playing the critic or analyzer of others. I ask myself, “Who made me their judge?” or “Who ever made it my job to evaluate them?” It is precisely our judging of others that throws us into the Pharisees camp, time after time. Can we simply make it a personal value to avoid judging? I don’t really know, but perhaps we should give it a try and see what happens.

2) Focus on belonging.

King of the Hill is the game of one-upsmanship. It is the quest for power and personal empowerment. I think we have a better handle on reality by defining relationships in terms of power less and in terms of belonging more.

Behind every sissyfight is a child of God who wants to belong to someone, something, or a group of someones. Everyone has a need to belong. Perhaps we can become the kind of church where belonging is guaranteed.

Let me remind you, that every visitor that walks through these doors is a babe that Jesus has pulled into our midst—one whom Jesus holds up in his arms. The simple challenge to us is to receive that one in Jesus’ name. In fact,  our entire health as a congregation can be tied to this dictum: How well do we help people feel that they belong here?

Let’s be mindful of belonging and make it our focus as members of this fellowship.

3) Connect more deeply.

Our vision statement includes our aspiration to be Deeply connected—which means that our relationships are incomplete as long as they are superficial. We have been united in Christ and to one another by his Holy Spirit. Our bond is unspeakably profound and spiritually eternal! When we remain mindful of our deep, deep, eternally-deep connection in Christ, we are more likely to function as brothers and sisters in the Lord and less likely to play the shallow, skin-deep games of the flesh.

Our relationships are necessarily eternal, and that means we should be quick to pray together, praise God together, and acknowledge the shared mission of our lives in our conversations.

Question: “What do I do when someone says something inappropriate? Begins to gossip or tells  an inappropriate joke?”

An Answer: I suggest one, powerful word: “C’mon.” That one word is a little reminder that we are made for better. It neither judges nor excuses, but rather brings your brother and sister back onto the track where we want to be walking. Just a simple, loving, “C’mon.”

It’s always worked on me from my friends.

6. belonging every baby

We are all a work-in-progress. This congregation is a work-in-progress. God’s Word tells us that as The Lord brings into our circle every babe, toddler, child and outsider; our task is uniform: we are to welcome, to receive, that child like God himself. We don’t need to raise a high bar or hold up a hoop for them to jump through before they are “okay” for our fellowship. We do not need to do that judging—God does that through his Holy Spirit in the heart of every child he draws—but we do need to make it crystal clear that First Presbyterian Church is a place where he or she can indeed belong.

You and I are only here by grace; none of us has earned the right to be here. Let us know the joy and pleasure we bring to the Lord by helping every one know and feel that they belong with us. It is a much, much better game than Sissyfight, and we will all be a whole lot happier by playing!  †